So I caught my two year old playing in the toilet this morning... Now most of you know my home is child free now, as the kids are grown and are off at university or living on their own now.
So what is this about a two year old?
Allow me to explain, before I do however let me tell you a little story,
When my kids were small, I had thoughts about what I thought them being grown up would be like- for me. I had visions of a finally clean house, long dinners made of something more exciting than kraft dinner, sleeping in, finally seeing the bottom of my laundry hamper, even going to the bathroom with out a child standing on the other side of the door, demanding my attention.
Ahh the stuff dreams are made of!
I don't care who you are, when you have children you have days where you dream of having your life back , sometimes you even count the days, and after years of waiting, It finally happens. They go away.. The house is yours... FREEDOMMMMMMMMM!!!
Then reality hits you and you cry, because now your kids are gone and how will they survive with out you? will they wear their coat? Are they eating enough? Are they washing behind their ears and wearing clean underwear? (they have been bathing themselves for years now and have been successfully putting on clean underwear unassisted for quite some time, but this matters not, because now you have been transformed into the insane empty nester and must obsess about these things ) to reassure yourself you call their cell phone, no answer , your heart leaps , and you hit redial, no answer again! You repeat this process several times all while envisioning your baby broken in a ditch somewhere..... Then your phone dings and you receive a TEXT, from the child whose phone you have spent the last two hours blowing up, saying " What you need mom? I was sleeping?"
You look at the clock, its 2 p.m - He was sleeping at 2 in the afternoon, you raised him better than this.
Eventually you get over it and accept that the house is yours... unless you are me.
If you are me, in mid celebration of the newly acquired house to yourself freedom dance, you discover that about a year or two before the last child left the home, you were introducing new children of the furry variety, to ensure you never get that clean home or solitary bathroom time you dreamed of so very long ago. I now have a 4 year old cat, a 2 year old cat and a 1 year old dog. And they act just like children of the same corresponding ages.
Fast forward to today. Remember that small fantasy of using the bathroom alone? Never got it. Now when I go to the rest room, one of the animals must come with to watch. This morning it was Storm, the 2 year old. When the kids were small, they used to join me in the loo, because if I let them roam free they would destroy something in the 38 seconds it takes me to do my business. When they got older they stood outside shouting at me through the door, Chris, when he was little would wiggle his fingers under the door through the gap all while going, " Mom... Mom.... MOOOOOOOMMMMMM! are you coming out soon??" I had been in there 2 seconds...
Now today, Storm wiggles his paws under the door jiggling it until it pops open, in he comes and sits staring at me while I do my number two. While I was washing my hands I look over and there he is, splashing toilet water all over the place, Why?? I have no idea...
Remember that nice clean home I dreamed of, that never happened either, now I spend my days sweeping piles of fur off the floor constantly, these critters shed A LOT! How they still have a full fur coat, when there is enough fur shed here a day to clothe 5 more animals? I have no idea....
Sometimes I get to enjoy nice clean freshly washed floors for all of two seconds before the 1 year old Karma, (the dog) forgets she uses the bathroom outside and does number two on the floor with out fail, EVERY. SINGLE. TIME!
Reminds me of the time when Brent was the same age and he went through a phase where he would remove his diaper in the wee early morning hours (before I was awake) after he had filled it and then proceeded to smear it all over his wall, his crib, himself... at least Karma hasn't figured out to do that yet. Why does she poop every time I wash the floor? I have no idea......
Remember that dream of an empty laundry hamper, NOPE! never got that either, because the 4 year old Sophie, has nice beautiful long white fur, and an uncanny ability to sense warm dry freshly out of the dryer folded clothing - as soon as her kitty senses pick up on this wonderful thing, she must sleep on it, roll in it and deposit a days worth of white fur all over it, (I suppose I could be faster at putting it away, but I was fishing Storm out of the toilet) Kinda like when I would just get the kids clothes washed dried and put away, then they would tear everything out of the drawers trying to decide what to wear and then throw it on the floor making it impossible for me to determine what was clean or dirty and have to wash it all again. Why did they do this? I still have no idea...
So my empty nest is not so empty, but its not so bad, I still dream of the day the house will be mine, but I love my kids human and furry, Did they all eat today?... why do they never answer their damn phones????
So what is this about a two year old?
Allow me to explain, before I do however let me tell you a little story,
When my kids were small, I had thoughts about what I thought them being grown up would be like- for me. I had visions of a finally clean house, long dinners made of something more exciting than kraft dinner, sleeping in, finally seeing the bottom of my laundry hamper, even going to the bathroom with out a child standing on the other side of the door, demanding my attention.
Ahh the stuff dreams are made of!
I don't care who you are, when you have children you have days where you dream of having your life back , sometimes you even count the days, and after years of waiting, It finally happens. They go away.. The house is yours... FREEDOMMMMMMMMM!!!
Then reality hits you and you cry, because now your kids are gone and how will they survive with out you? will they wear their coat? Are they eating enough? Are they washing behind their ears and wearing clean underwear? (they have been bathing themselves for years now and have been successfully putting on clean underwear unassisted for quite some time, but this matters not, because now you have been transformed into the insane empty nester and must obsess about these things ) to reassure yourself you call their cell phone, no answer , your heart leaps , and you hit redial, no answer again! You repeat this process several times all while envisioning your baby broken in a ditch somewhere..... Then your phone dings and you receive a TEXT, from the child whose phone you have spent the last two hours blowing up, saying " What you need mom? I was sleeping?"
You look at the clock, its 2 p.m - He was sleeping at 2 in the afternoon, you raised him better than this.
Eventually you get over it and accept that the house is yours... unless you are me.
If you are me, in mid celebration of the newly acquired house to yourself freedom dance, you discover that about a year or two before the last child left the home, you were introducing new children of the furry variety, to ensure you never get that clean home or solitary bathroom time you dreamed of so very long ago. I now have a 4 year old cat, a 2 year old cat and a 1 year old dog. And they act just like children of the same corresponding ages.
Fast forward to today. Remember that small fantasy of using the bathroom alone? Never got it. Now when I go to the rest room, one of the animals must come with to watch. This morning it was Storm, the 2 year old. When the kids were small, they used to join me in the loo, because if I let them roam free they would destroy something in the 38 seconds it takes me to do my business. When they got older they stood outside shouting at me through the door, Chris, when he was little would wiggle his fingers under the door through the gap all while going, " Mom... Mom.... MOOOOOOOMMMMMM! are you coming out soon??" I had been in there 2 seconds...
Now today, Storm wiggles his paws under the door jiggling it until it pops open, in he comes and sits staring at me while I do my number two. While I was washing my hands I look over and there he is, splashing toilet water all over the place, Why?? I have no idea...
Remember that nice clean home I dreamed of, that never happened either, now I spend my days sweeping piles of fur off the floor constantly, these critters shed A LOT! How they still have a full fur coat, when there is enough fur shed here a day to clothe 5 more animals? I have no idea....
Sometimes I get to enjoy nice clean freshly washed floors for all of two seconds before the 1 year old Karma, (the dog) forgets she uses the bathroom outside and does number two on the floor with out fail, EVERY. SINGLE. TIME!
Reminds me of the time when Brent was the same age and he went through a phase where he would remove his diaper in the wee early morning hours (before I was awake) after he had filled it and then proceeded to smear it all over his wall, his crib, himself... at least Karma hasn't figured out to do that yet. Why does she poop every time I wash the floor? I have no idea......
Remember that dream of an empty laundry hamper, NOPE! never got that either, because the 4 year old Sophie, has nice beautiful long white fur, and an uncanny ability to sense warm dry freshly out of the dryer folded clothing - as soon as her kitty senses pick up on this wonderful thing, she must sleep on it, roll in it and deposit a days worth of white fur all over it, (I suppose I could be faster at putting it away, but I was fishing Storm out of the toilet) Kinda like when I would just get the kids clothes washed dried and put away, then they would tear everything out of the drawers trying to decide what to wear and then throw it on the floor making it impossible for me to determine what was clean or dirty and have to wash it all again. Why did they do this? I still have no idea...
So my empty nest is not so empty, but its not so bad, I still dream of the day the house will be mine, but I love my kids human and furry, Did they all eat today?... why do they never answer their damn phones????
