Brent was accepted into the only school he wanted. Acadia University. It is not far away, only an hour and a half drive, so at first I wasn't worried about him being there and not here. Like most parents I spent his early years just enjoying his cuteness, and thinking that university was soooo far away, Once he reached teenager status there were many days university could not come soon enough. But as the days ticked down in August to the 31st, the day he would actually go, I found myself wishing I could slow things down.
So the day came, we started early and were there just after 10 am. He was whisked away to begin "get to know you" frosh stuff and we went on a tour of the campus, It is impressive, its like a little town all in its self. We got to watch his matriculation ceremony and then we were headed home. I did at least get to give him a hug and kiss before we left. He was so excited, and he was ready for us to leave.
Once we were home it was so strange to see his empty room, and the house is so quiet. For a few days it was almost nice to have it be so quiet. But as the days pass I am beginning to realize a few things,
The first is, we don't watch tv. That big expensive 46 inch plasma flat screen my husband had to have a few years ago has only been turned on once since Brent left. The second is I cannot cook for two people. I have thrown more food away since he left. I also did not realize how much stuff I bought at the grocery store mainly for my kid, like the giant jug of peanut butter that would only last a few days now sits a waste in my cupboard.
I didn't even notice how much of my day was spent mothering until I had no one to mother. I miss him most in the evenings, A lot of my routine was based around him, making meals , just chatting with him, with out the activity of having him come home for the day and tell me all about his day and then go play his guitar , there is a large part of my day missing.
Our contact is now relegated to text message and the occasional phone call. He is a busy boy with studies and his new found job. I am having trouble being busy enough. I was used to the routine with him, Now my routine is all messed up, Case in point, a few days ago, my husband arrived home from his job and was tired, as I had not started supper yet, he decided to have a nap, just a half an hour. I was a bit sleepy too and decided to join him. We both fell asleep and didn't wake up until 3:45 am. I cooked supper at 4 o'clock in the morning. Little things like that that never would have happened had Brent still been home.
No one is to blame, I just have to adjust to having lost the longest job I ever held, 19 years of being full time caretaker to my wonderful boy. I will learn to manage without him, probably just in time for him to come home in the summer.
I think the biggest thing is I miss him, more than I thought I would. But I am so pleased for him as well, He has his whole future ahead of him and if he does everything he needs to, no doors will be closed for him and that is a wonderful feeling, and well worth my being a little lost.
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