An open letter to my ex husband.

 I wish this was a happy post, I wish I didn't have to write it at all.

As many of you know I lost my youngest son 14 years ago.

Here is what you don't know. Every single year since his death, as the anniversary approaches, I start getting messages some from people I know, some from people  I don',t with screen shots of various nasty things my Ex husband has posted on social media like this crap:

Lovely right? 

As I mentioned before something similar to this happens every year, and yes, I am aware this post was made a year ago. That's the main reason I am posting it here and not heading to court with it. I have shown it to law enforcement and discussed it with a lawyer, however, they feel that yes I definitely have a case, but too much time has passed to do anything about it. It's not the first time I have heard this either.

This post was made on another grieving parent's Facebook I am not sure of the circumstances, but from what I understand the father made a post on her 1 year anniversary of her death, and this is what my Ex posted to him in response. 

Nowhere, was this parent offered any form of condolence from my ex. He didn't even say I am sorry for your loss. WTF?

First, to the family who the original post was about, I am so sorry for your loss. I am just so sorry.

Now for the purpose of this blog post

Marty what are you thinking??

Why?

First, you know for a fact that none of what you posted is true.

 None of it. 

It is well documented and on the record via the police report that followed because of Chris's death that I WAS AT WORK AT THE TIME!!!

It was an accident, the children were not neglected. There was a 45-minute window between the time I had to go to work and when my partner at the time would have arrived home.

It wouldn't have made one bit of difference. 

It was a freak fucking accident.

He sat down against his bedpost, he got his hemp necklace caught, he leaned forward to free it and it was in just the right place on his neck to make him pass out, he remained in that position because the pressure was on his neck, he died. It was horrible it was tragic and heartbreaking.

You know all this, but you still do this shit every single year, WHY?

What do you get out of telling such lies??

Why say I was at the tavern neglecting my children?  and without supervision,  Chris was 10, Brent his brother who was watching him was 14, he had taken a babysitting course, he babysat other people's children, He was very responsible, you paint this story like they were very small kids left alone. 

Again WHY?

I don't care about your opinion about me, you can call me names thats your opinion, I could really care less.

You can say I have no maternal instincts I think that has been proven to be false over and over again, but ok, You said I was mentally unstable, but I am not the one who has spent 14 YEARS, spreading nastiness and making fake profiles to try and add your EX wife on Facebook, or finding ways to just be a total disagreeable person.

You complain that your sister was called instead of you. That much is true. And this is why. You and I split when Chris was two. You then spent the next 8 years denying he was your child. You refused to provide any contact information at all. The only time you expressed any interest in your children is when you met your second wife. You wanted to impress, so you then began showing up at my work, you would sit in the parking lot and watch to see if I was working. When you found out I was, you then went to various payphones in the area and left numerous messages about how you were in town and you wanted to see the kids right now, the messages began pleasant enough, but as I was at work and wasn't home and could not answer, the message became more and more abusive throughout the day with claims like "I know you are home, you are keeping the kids from me answer your damn phone you bitch!"

Also during this time, both children were in school and couldn't have visited anyway.

When you left a phone number, it was for the payphone you were using or a made-up number that usually meant a random person who never heard of you when I called back.

When I called your parents to see if I could get a message to you that way, I was told to not call again and was hung up on. And they didn't just hang up on me, Brent tried to call and they hung up on him too.

You were too worried about maybe paying child support, you never wanted to see the boys, if fact you spent the next 8 years denying they were your children to everyone, except the aforementioned second and now second ex-wife. She is a lovely person, by the way, quite frankly you did not deserve her, and yes I mean it she is a lovely person. 

She had no idea that you were lying to her about everything. She had no part in all the shit you pulled.

So yes, we called your sister as she was the only way to contact you. And that is on you. So bitch about how awful it was of us to make sure you were notified all you like.

I won't even go into all the things that went on in between, like having our vehicles damaged, windshields smashed out, Rims and wheels just disappearing off our vehicles, random late-night calls always with the number blocked, showing up when I was out shopping and standing threatening in the doorway of the store, trying to intimidate several members of my family on several occasions (if you are wondering how that is possible, he is a very large man, and would often use his body to block us from leaving) Not pleasant but according to the police not illegal.

Then after the funeral, you began making several profiles to attack the memorial page my sister had set up to remember him. To the point, the page had to be shut down. 

I invited you to the page, to allow you to view photos and see everyone's memories as you had none of your own, I was trying to at least give you that, the past wasn't important. But I learned my lesson.

I don't believe for one second you grieve Chris, I am sorry your words say one thing, your actions which are ongoing say another.

It's been 21 years since we split Marty, we have been divorced for 17. 

MOVE ON.

Stop with your obsession and move on.

We have both remarried, I shouldn't be getting screenshots like this, people shouldn't be seeing you post that garbage. You have been married and divorced twice, and have now started another family.. don't you think it is time to just enjoy your life?

I mean, your almost 54... Stop.

I do my best to keep this kind of thing off social media, you know I haven't intruded on your life or bothered you in any way, so I am not sure why you keep doing this, 

I feel sorry for you.

To your new girlfriend who has chosen to have children with you,  Dear Pam, please be very careful, keep your own bank account and guard it well. And when something seems off, you have been told a bizarre story that doesn't make sense, go with your gut, if you think something is wrong, it most likely is.

Marty loves drama, and he will throw you under the bus to get it. And you won't even know he has done it until it's much too late. Nothing is sacred to him, nothing.

 No matter how much you love him, you protect yourself and those children because the time will come when you will be glad you did.

I only skimmed the surface of what he has done to me and my family, the story is much worse, and many who were there can tell you. But it's in the past and it's time to move on. Please be safe, be smart, and I hope you have a better relationship than I did. Maybe just maybe he will change for you.

Good luck.

Like I said I get messages every day, because not only do people love drama, they love to see if they can rip open a wound and love to enjoy the show. I think I have most of those people out of my life, but you never know.

Yes, I am aware he has somehow managed to steal my photos of Chris, No there isn't much I can do about it, it has been reported so we will see. 

If you are helping him, by screenshotting my photos and sending them to him, or reporting to him on our very boring daily lives, stop, get out of my life. You're as bad as he is.

If you are not one of these people but see a post like this, then yes, please send it to me. I have Marty and his whole family blocked because he uses their social media as well if he can sneak access to it, to launch some of his attacks, and they have no idea, so we can't see the posts in most cases. 

I know some people say just let it go,  you know it's not true, and we have for 14 years, but now he is using my son's death as a weapon, and enough is enough, I am tired, of people who don't know better contact me and threaten me, I get hate mail. I am done, I won't just let it go anymore.

Marty this is your notice, if you make another post like this, defaming me, my family, or about us in general, and you fill it full of lies, then I will charge you. I will take you to court and I don't care what it costs. This is the last.

Try honoring Christopher's memory, we ask people to do a random act of kindness in his memory, maybe try doing something like that,

But so help me if you don't stop the kind of behavior, as shown above, there will be consequences.