Karma the freaking wonder dog

So a few months ago we adopted a puppy. Her name is Karma and she is a valley bull pit bull mix.  It has been a long time since I raised a puppy. It has been a learning experience for me. 

 I went into it thinking it would be easy. She is very easy to love and is adorable. And she is very very loyal. She has brought me joy and has made me say dammit and f**k  A LOT!

First let me say I love her. 100% . But with some of the things she does, it is a good thing she is cute.  

Let me explain:

Puppies like to chew, some of the items she has chewed/eaten, are the following: an entire package of toilet paper (the jumbo rolls) she did this when we were not at home, to punish us for leaving her. This was before we learned about kennels and how wonderful they are. 
 She ate my entire Terry Goodkind collection.. (I have a glass book shelf Karma could reach the bottom shelf, guess what was on the bottom shelf)She did this while I was home, every time I went to the bathroom or looked in another direction she read destroyed a book)

Every single one of storm and Sophie's cat toys. Like human children, there is sibling rivalry among pet siblings.  Although half of her size Sophie and Storm are the boss and she knows it, but thier toys taste soooo good, so she munches on them whenever she can.
Anything wood, or with a zipper. 

Cat poop from the litter box.(ew)
Her OWN poop (even more ew)
The eyes out of every single stuffed animal she owns, ( nothing else just the eyes, there is now a collection of teddy bears in my home that look like they belong in a horror movie)
My work headset which I need to do my job.

There have been many other things but the worst by far was a loaf of bread I had rising on the counter.
In case you are not aware of what happens when a dog eats raw bread dough, allow me to paint a little picture for you. 

Raw bread dough is toxic to dogs , it can have one of two effects, It can turn to alcohol in their stomachs causing them to get alcohol poisoning and need an immediate iv and stomach pumping ( you will know this has happened because they will be wobbly and you will know they are not o.k also the stomach will be extended and painful -I learned this during a frantic phone call to Dr Barry our vet). The second thing is what happened to Karma.

 Diarrhea of epic proportions and vomit the projectile kind. 

For an entire week I followed my dog around with a mop and a bucket. Our home smelled like a drunken frat boy party in which several kegs of beer had been spilled and let dry. No surface was safe, I swore  a lot, I cried a lot I threw several things away. 
 I have not baked bread since. Until then we didn't even know she could reach the counter or that she might steal something sitting on it.

Once she seemed better John decided to take her with him in the car on a trip to Lunenburg..  I received a frantic text : The dog is NOT better, OMG MY CAR!!!!. When he got home , EVERY  surface inside the car had been hit, and stink oh my goodness! more stale beer smell.

Raising a puppy is so much fun.

 There have been funny things too, like the time Karma watched her brother Storm jump from the couch to the glass shelf set. Storm is agile and graceful, Karma tried to follow and the shelf set didn't make it, 

You are not a kitty ! is a common phrase in my home.  

In this photo Karma is pretending to be a cat and trying to sit on the back of the furniture like they do.

She is also an escape artist, to this day we have no idea how she was breaking out of her kennel, but when we would return home there she was waiting at the door, house destroyed.

Thank goodness we found a second kennel that is escape free.. so now she has one for bedtime and one for when mommy and daddy leave the house.

 We did learn that puppies like human children do so much better when they have friends, Enter Roper( an Australian sheep dog ) and Neeka,( a huskie) her friends from down the road. Roper and Neeka have a fenced in yard, so when Karma goes to visit they play leash free. Once she started regularly having play dates, she calmed down a lot. 

 The best part about Karma is the snuggles, she loves to be held even though now she is too big, and she makes no bones about that she loves us dearly.  I cannot imagine life with out her

Pure happiness (Karma playing outside with my son Brent)

Can't help but love her!

Messages from heaven? Or am I just crazy?

I found a penny today
just laying on the ground
But it’s not just a penny
this little coin I’ve found

“Found” pennies come from heaven
that’s what my Grandpa told me
He said angels toss them down
oh, how I loved that story

He said when an angel misses you
they toss a penny down
Sometimes just to cheer you up
make a smile out of your frown

So don’t pass by that penny
when you’re feeling blue
It may be a penny from heaven
that an angel tossed to you.

- – - written by Charles L. Mashburn

Its a very nice poem and I have thought of it many times when I see a penny on the ground especially after my son Chris passed away almost 6 years ago. I know a lot of people think that when a loved one passes away they may return or send messages to you in the form of pennies or in the frequent appearance of an animal that they loved seeing in life.

I have a friend who believes that her dad sends owls to her and she sees owls very frequently, especially when she is missing her dad. I have had a little bizarre experience that has been going on now for about 4 years. It doesn't happen every day, not even every month. In fact sometimes several months will pass with out incident.  Let me explain with a little back ground.

When Christopher died I held onto his belongings for quite a while. I didn't want to give them away, I couldn't throw them away so I stored them. Looking at them was painful the thought of not having them was even more painful.

Finally I did manage to start getting rid of them I kept a few special pieces but the rest I found new homes for. I did the same with his toys. I kept his favorites but the rest I gave to his friends. 

Fast forward about a year. It began with his socks.  One day doing laundry I discovered one odd sock in the laundry, It belonged to Christopher. It was unmistakably his. His little feet were so small and his socks never fit anyone but his. I could not figure out how it got there. The interesting part was it was wet and dirty!

Christopher loved tramping about in the mud, the child's socks were terrible always wet always muddy. In the middle of a drought he could always find a mud puddle.  I puzzled over it , had a small cry and then I washed the sock. I mentioned it to Brent who laughed and told me I must have been mistaken. I began to think he was right because IT WASN'T IN THE DRYER! I don't know where it went, I never saw that particular sock again.

I was having an off kind of day and was missing my little boy a great deal that day. John said to me maybe it was his way of telling me he was still with me. I remember saying , but why a dirty sock why not a t- shirt?

Be careful what you wish for! Chris must have heard and now every so often one of his t shirts shows up in the dryer. Random odd socks still appear too but at least they are also clean and in the dryer.

Never in the laundry going in, always in the dryer. For a while I thought Brent was doing it. I have to admit I was annoyed, he claimed innocence but I still thought it was him playing a joke. Then Brent went away to University.  Two months after he left, guess what? a pair of jammie pants showed up.  The thing is many of the items that have showed up, I very clearly remember giving away. I remember crying over each piece , not wanting to part with any of it but knowing that I had to try and rebuild my life somehow and keeping clothing for a child who was never returning made no sense. Not only that Chris was a very giving child, He would want me to give the clothes away. That is just who he was. 

Fast forward to today and it is a beautiful day , perfect for laundry. As I take the the clothes out to the line, guess what , there in the bottom of the basket is Christopher's little gray and blue Pokemon shirt. It is wet but its clean. and I know darn well it was not in that load of laundry when I started the washer. The truth is this time of year always makes me think of Chris a lot. He died in August so warm weather and the date coming closer brings that on. Not that he is ever far from my mind, but I miss him more than ever in the summer. 

And maybe that is the point. Maybe he is trying in his own little way to let me know that he is still with me in a way I will never miss. Finding something of his when I am not expecting too, really sends that message home. At first it drove me nuts, but now 4 years after it started it brings me comfort. I began tucking the pieces of clothes that I found in a drawer, but they don't stay. Often when I go to add a new piece to the drawer there will be a few pieces found earlier, missing. 

I don't even try to fit my head around that one any more. I guess he just needed clean laundry? In any event it brings me comfort. and it doesn't matter if you believe me or not, Everyone in this house has experienced it  at least once.  So we know it is true. Has anyone out there ever had anything like this happen to them?

Dear little angel

Dear little angel,
 As your 5 th anniversary into heaven approaches, you are always in my thoughts and on my mind. August 15 has become a dirty word ( or date ) to me, as it was the day you died here and were born into heaven.

I find myself wondering what is your new existence like? Is your arrival date like a birthday here on earth? Do you celebrate it and have birthday cake? Do you get to visit with god , and have chats with him. If I know you at all ( and I do), He would have been your first stop. I can imagine what that was like.  First you might have asked him to send you home. And if his answer was no, you would have wanted to know why. You would have then asked him about dinosaurs and what happened to them and where would you sleep? and lets not forget about dinner, Do they have dinner in heaven?

You might have asked about me and Brent and would we be ok?
 I will not know if this is how your first day into heaven took place, as long as I am here and you are there. But I wonder about it.

I have a recurring dream about you all the time. I have only told a few people about it.  I am walking through a beautiful forest, really big towering trees. There is a great deal of light and the birds are singing. In the dream I can hear the soft thud of my sneakers on the forest floor, all of a sudden you are standing in front of me. In my dream you are exactly as you were on earth, still have the cherub face , big brown eyes, kind smile and you are still ten. ( I always wonder if you are still 10 or if you age and continue to grow in heaven like you would have on earth)

You sound just the same, ( I can't quite remember the exact sound of  your voice when I am awake on earth but I hear it in my dreams and always know it is you) You yell "Mommy !!!!" just like you always did when I would arrive home and throw your arms around me. I can smell your wonderful little boy smell, I breathe it in and let it fill me. You then lead me down a path to a little cottage. "I live here" you tell me.

It is perfect, I can never remember exactly what it looks like when I am awake only certain parts, like the cupboard of swirly light that contains every book that has ever been written and will be written. You show me the kitchen that has just what you want when you want it, When I express amazement, you look at me like I have three heads, " This is HEAVEN Mommy!, of course it is amazing" You show me your bedroom and  I remember the bright finger paint pots sitting on the white dresser.

We go for a walk and soon we are on a beach, there are many children and you run to play with them, I hear someone call my name.

I turn around and I see a man approaching me, I know him but I have never seen him before. His voice is soft and gentle, and he has soft brown hair and a beard. He hugs me and all I can feel is happiness. He looks at me sadly and tells me he is sorry I had to go through the pain of losing you. Until he says that I forgot you had died. This place is so real , but yet so surreal, I had forgotten that I had ever hurt at all.  All I feel here is joy. Everything is so vivid, the smells, the color and the ever present light that does not seem to fade as the hours pass. The man goes on to explain that there are some things that are not meant to happen but when they do, they must run the full course. Your death was one of those things.  When I am awake, I think of this sentence a lot, It never makes sense to me in my waking hours. While I am asleep and having the dream, I understand what he means completely.
As I said in my dream I know the man , and when I am awake I can only come to one conclusion, I must be talking with Jesus.
 He tells me I am not done yet, that there are things I must do. I do not belong in this place just yet. He tells me that I will have more unhappiness on earth but great joy too. He says I am only just beginning to be who I am meant to be and that all I have gone through has been to shape me. He tells me he loves me and that I matter. I listen and understand everything he is telling me. It is like being here has given me a knowledge I normally don't have.

 We watch you silently for a minute and I try to absorb every sight. I hear your giggle as you play and I murmur , " I don't want to leave him".

Jesus smiles, and places his hand on my shoulder. "He will never even know you are gone. Time is different here. A  few minutes here is years on earth. I will make sure he never notices your absence. By the time he thinks to wonder where you are, you will be right in this spot waiting for him. You must wake up now, I cannot allow you stay any longer. You have a life and a path you must complete."

He moves to stand in front of me blocking my view, he tilts my chin so I must look directly into his piercing eyes, "Wake up now."

I pop awake and sit up looking around. For a second I think I can hear waves and children laughing. Then the dream is completely gone. It always is, I always seem to have a wonderful day after I dream this particular dream. At some point during the day , the dream will come rushing back to me and I remember where I spent the night. I am always a little sad when I remember, I wish I had hugged you more and asked Jesus more questions. I worry I wont dream of you the same way again.

I dream this same dream about once a month. I hope I have it many more times. On the 15th please dont feel bad if you look down on me and I am having a bad day , I will try not to be a wreak , but I cant promise. I will think of you though  I always do , I love you and miss you my little Christopher until I can dream of you again.
 Love mommy

Loving the unlovable and giving yourself the gift of love

 Recently I found myself drawn into a conversation about a person whom at the time I detested. I joined right in with the other person and even (I am ashamed to say) made the following comment : " If she were on fire, I would not piss on her to put her out." What a horrible thing to say. When you take the fact that I am a volunteer fire fighter, its even worse.

  I would like to say that I got caught up in the moment, that it was the other people in the conversation and their negativity that was drawing me to speak such venomous words, and although that might be only partly true, (the negativity at least) I was just being plain mean.

  I believe in the law of attraction. I believe you draw to you what you put out to the universe. I believe that every person has a purpose and a reason for being.

 Later while I was putting some jewelry together, ( I make things,  my hands don't like to be still) I decided to listen to a book about the law of attraction. Sometimes you can find a good audio book on YouTube, and that day I decided to listen to The Power by Rhonda Byrne and she began to talk about how we should handle unpleasant people and relationships.

  As she was talking about not judging others lest you draw that to yourself and sending people love and then letting go, a very uncomfortable thought began to form in my head.. I was a  VERY judgmental person. I was putting some very bad mojo out there to the universe. This was not good. This was one of life's lemons. This would make some very bitter lemonade. This needed to be fixed ASAP.

 This lead me to put some serious thought in how I spoke to others and thought about others. I do try to practice kindness every single day. But it dawned on me I only practiced it with people I loved, or strangers, How was I treating the people I didn't love? While I did not openly attack every single person whom I did not care for, I certainly gave out some bad energy to the universe about them. I am known to say "Be positive!" " Think happy thoughts, and you can turn anything around."  But the truth was I was not always doing this myself.

This made me very unhappy. I sat down and had to really give it some deep thought. It occurred to me that although I believed I had good reason for feeling the way I did, maybe my reasons were not valid.
By putting out that negativity I was pulling the same negativity back to me. It might not be coming in the form of someone saying something mean about me, but it was there. And I had done it to myself.

We all have a person or people in our life, family or community that we wish we could just banish. There are a lot of reasons for this.  Perhaps the person treated you badly, perhaps they broke your heart.
Sometimes, two people are just not compatible. Whatever the reason, we all have a person whom we think or speak or treat badly.

 For me, I had witnessed this person hurt a good friend of mine. I forgot that every person has their own life and reasons for doing what they do.  This person is not well liked in our community to begin with and instead of being neutral, I had jumped on the band wagon, armed with the "evidence" of what I had witnessed with my friend. So I climbed wayyyy up on my high horse and passed judgement. I forgot that this other person is none of my business.

 I was ashamed of myself. No matter what she had done, no one deserved that kind of thought directed toward them. I sat down and really thought about why I did not like her. Had she hurt me directly?
No. Was I jealous of her? No. I had bought into other's perceptions of her.  She does have some good qualities that I can admire. I decided to focus on that. Now when I see her, or hear someone mention her I focus on those qualities. I don't dwell on how I once felt.  I began applying this technique to other's that I found unpleasant. If I cannot say something nice, I wont say anything. If drawn into a conversation about another that is unpleasant or mean, I ask why the other person feels that way. I no longer climb on the horse.

  It wasn't easy. I had to work at it. Some days I still do. But then a strange thing happened. I began to feel better about me. I didn't even know I was feeling bad about myself until I no longer did.  My days seemed brighter and I was able to forgive more easily. Forgiving is truly healing. Forgiving does not mean another's bad behavior was ok. It means you have moved on. It takes work but once you can find the good in everyone , You set your self free.

  Now If someone has abused you then you might have more trouble. If a person has truly harmed you in some way. I don't mean just unkindness, I mean true harm , physical or mental harm,  Then I advise completely walking away. That person no longer deserves to be in your life in any way. But then let it go. Forgive them and move on. If you need to see a professional to help you do this, then you should. But let it go. You are not saying it was ok. It certainly was not. But don't let it rule or change you. Do not let it poison the wonderful person you are.

  When you learn to let go, truly let go , it opens a whole world before you, that you may not have even known was there. You will be truly free.

This post turned out to be much longer than I planned. I would like to hear how you deal with the unlovables in your life. Please leave me a comment or jot me an email. I would love to hear from you. until tomorrow...